#MerryChristmas from our house, including #Rudolph #TRex and the gang! If your holiday is hard and you would benefit from a little silliness, I hope this helps. 🦖🛷🎅🏽 pic.twitter.com/w4bSev3Jns
— Rader Ward Foundation (@RaderWardFound) December 25, 2019
you matter
it's-a me, Mario!
It’s-a me, Mario! Happy holiday Mario Monday! On a rainy winter day, I’m cozy in my Mario onesie, a gift from my sister. Our Super Mario Galaxy plush Luma — a Christmas present to 7-year-old Rader in 2008 — was made by Penguinotic on Etsy.
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#mariomonday #Mario #SuperMarioGalaxy #christmastree #luma #lumaplush #pajamaday #cozy #theweatheroutsideisfrightful
what role do schools play in suicide prevention?
I'm in the beginning stages of connecting the Hopesquad suicide prevention initiative with Greenville County Schools, starting with the middle school Rader attended, Hughes Academy Of Science And Technology. I'll update when there is more to report in the new year.
important: how to feel your feelings
(Full image here in case the Twitter view crops it. Click to enlarge)
in the holiday spirit
I’ve been a very busy elf today! First I stopped in with a bag of goodies and my favorite book (How to be a Good Creature by Sy Montgomery) for a dear friend who’s laid up with an injury.
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Then my mom and I handed out 60+ loaves of pumpkin cranberry bread to all the wonderful folks who work at The Springs at Simpsonville. They have the best caregivers!
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Next, off to the post office to mail a couple of loaves to folks who live far away.
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I was due for a haircut by my friend Laura (Instagram: @thatcurlgirl1966). Yes, made a holiday loaf delivery while I was at it, ✅. And gave one as always to another lovely friend, Melissa (Instagram: @styledbymelissalsawyer), who cut Rader’s hair his whole life from the age of two, and loved him.
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Finally, I headed over to Old Time Pottery to get a head start on next year’s baking by stocking up on half-price loaf pans. They’re cute, huh? I like the one with Santa. Now it’s time to peel off 300+ price stickers and wash all the pans before I store them away.
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Whew! What a day. I think there might be a nap in my future.
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(For the curious, I have made 32 batches of pumpkin bread so far this month. Each batch makes 10 mini loaves. I have only two loaves left from yesterday’s eight batches, and they’re both spoken for. I think I’ll probably make at least one more batch.)
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#holidaybaking #pumpkincranberrybread #itsreallycake #howtobeagoodcreature #springsatsimpsonville #holidaymail #holidaybakedgoods #holidaydiscount #oldtimepottery #miniloafpans #alongwintersnap #somuchbaking
better, worse, and good enough
I decorated my Christmas tree yesterday. It's been up for weeks. It's artificial, and pre-lit. We have a two-story living room, and so years ago I decided I always wanted a really tall tree. It's easier (and costs less in the long run) to just buy one big fake tree than to try to find a 12' live tree every year, and then have to string it with lights. (I like a LOT of lights). I decided on purpose I wanted to put it up this year. (Last year, we just put up a small tree.) But then once it was up, I found myself kind of paralyzed about putting ornaments on it.
If you follow my foundation social media, you'll know I listen to and then pass along a lot of advice from mental health and grief experts. One key piece of advice I've definitely repeated this season (from Megan Devine of Refuge in Grief) is to do more of the things that make you feel better, and less of the things that make you feel worse. My original decision to put up the tree was because I thought it would make me feel better, that I would enjoy looking at it once it was done, and even enjoy hanging the ornaments on it. Of course a lot of those have memories attached to them.
And so as it turned out, decorating the tree made me feel both better and worse. We weren't as careful with the alignment of the different sections of the tree as it went up, and so there were some spots in the structure of it that looked bare, where branches weren't offset to fill the gaps the way they should have. So I thought, maybe we should try to do something about that before I hang all the ornaments. But then it's so heavy, there's not really a good way to fix it now that it's all fully assembled. Or what if the problem is that something got bent, or it's just wearing out and showing its years? My brain just went around and around, and the ornaments just sat there in boxes, as the days went by. I was disturbed by it. And then I was disturbed about being disturbed. And I couldn't move forward.
My husband gave me the option yesterday of just taking it down. Which was a sweet offer, since he could see how much it had been bothering me. But it's a hassle to assemble, and it was already put together, and there was still a part of me that thought it would ultimately be something that would add to my enjoyment of the holiday season.
As a recovering perfectionist, something I purposefully work on is the concept of "good enough." I choose to accept that whatever it is — this time, a Christmas tree with gaps in its silhouette — is good enough. And so (not saying there weren't tears shed over it) I went ahead. I closed the curtains behind it so the light from the window wouldn't shine through the gaps so brightly. And I covered it with ornaments: all my recent favorites, like the one from Hamilton, and the ones from our trips in the past couple years to the Grand Canyon and out to visit relatives in California; all the Hallmark Snow Buddies we've been collecting since 1998; a long-beloved wooden salmon and polar bear; a string of glass fish. We haven't gotten the big ladder out, so we couldn't reach to put the angel on top, and it's mostly bare of ornaments up there, too. But you know what? It's good enough.
I might have suspected this already, and I even said it above, but what I've learned for sure from decorating my Christmas tree this year is that sometimes the exact same thing can make you feel both better and worse. Life is hardly ever simple. Sometimes you make a decision and then you find it's best for you to change your mind even if it's inconvenient. Sometimes the momentum just carries you along and you muddle through. Take care of yourself this holiday season. Yourself and the ones you love. Remember you have agency to make the decisions that are best for you, and even to backtrack on them if you figure out that what's best now isn't the same as what it was when you first decided. Have grace. And I wish you all the joy that's possible for you right now. Merry Christmas.
a father's reflection on losing a son to suicide
Next Avenue is a nonprofit journalism website, part of the PBS system, whose mission is "to meet the needs and unleash the potential of older Americans through the power of media." At 50, I feel like I am on the younger end of "older Americans." But as a part of the sandwich generation — people who are caring for maturing children and aging parents at the same time — I have found many of their articles and resources to be helpful. If you weren't familiar with Next Avenue before now, check them out.
This particular article, from Larry Carlat, their first managing editor, showed up in my email at bedtime last night, so I bookmarked it to read this morning. It includes (and I’m repeating here) links to an Esquire story Larry wrote about adopting Robbie, and to Larry's blog, both of which I visited after reading A Father's Reflection.
keep caring for yourself
Mario Monday: queen of the hama
Happy Mario Monday! Today I want to introduce you to Instagrammer @mell.lpz. Mell is known as Queen of the Hama, for the fuse beads (also called by brand names Perler or Hama) she uses to create her giant works of art! Click her account to see more posts of the process by which she made this fantastic Mario with Cappy from Super Mario Odyssey, and the other incredibly impressive work she does.
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Rader enjoyed making Mario characters with fuse beads, too, although on a much smaller scale! Photo 2 is a shot of our Mario tree that showcases his ornaments.
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#mariomonday #mario #cappy #supermarioodyssey #fusebeads #perlerbeads #perler #hamabeads #hama #8bit #pixelart #christmastree #christmasornaments #homemadeornaments #videogameornaments
"when I lost you …"
water yourself first
more good news on the suicide hotline 3-digit number
'suicide is different' can help you help someone else
take this holiday grief survival advice
These are the two pieces of advice from author Megan Devine that have stuck with me the most:
celebrate human rights day
Mario Monday: holiday Mario shirt!
To order the shirt, visit Thatquietgir1 on Woot. And you can find Stina here!
finding community can help with grief
what's your grief knows what you need this holiday
Click here for access!
you cannot do everything
Keep in mind these words of wisdom from my friend Sarah at SG Fitness and Indoor Rowing. It’s a busy time, and the holidays can be hard for a lot of reasons. Have some #grace for yourself.
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Posted to Instagram @withrepost • @sgfitnessandindoorrowing Another self care message in this joyful season😉. Fitness and Christmas don’t always go together, lots of socialising and very little time to move. Grab what you can and don’t let it stress you. It’s only a few weeks and you will be up and running (or rowing, cycling or skierging) again soon.
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#selfcare #selflove #stressatchristmas #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthatchristmas #fitmum #fitmumlifestyle #fitmums #menopause #menopausesupport #fitnessinstagram #exercisemotivation #weightlosstransformation